ČB torek / B&W Tuesday

Pogovor med mamicami je izredno predvidljiva zadeva. Po klasičnih kako se razumejo otroci med seboj, radi hodijo v vrtec, kdaj zvečer zaspijo... se malo prestavi na ali hodiš kaj ven s prijateljicami, joj, še na telovadbo nimam časa iti ... in potem pade kakšna provokatina. Tokat se je začelo z 'Vidve imata takole na pogled zelo radi svoje otroke ampak jih nimata ....' Seveda sem začela loviti zrak. Kaj si pa misli? Kako mi lahko kaj takega reče? itd. Ampak ker okolje ni bilo najbolj primerno se debata ni ravila v razsežnosti kot bi se lahko, se je pa zato razvijala v moji glavi v obliki monologa oz. dvogovora med menoj in menoj :o)

Kot prvo sem razčistila pri sebi, da gre za dve vrsti ljubezni. 

Ena je prava ljubezen starša do otroka, skrbna, ljubeča in zaščitniška. Realna ljubezen, v kateri se starš zaveda, da otrok raste, se razvija in počasi, korak za korakom osamosvaja. Ljubezen, ki jo kažem tako, da otroku pustim, da je to kar je. Da mu pomagam priti do rešitve in ne rešujem težav namesto njega. Da pridem ob lepem sončenm dnevu v vrtec že pred spanjem in gremo v živalski vrt, potem pa delam pozno v noč, ko že spita. Da ob padcu ne tečem vsa v skrbeh k otroku, temvec pustim mu pridem naproti in pustim, da sam pokaže ali potrebuje tolažbo ali je dovolj le hiter poljubček.  Da pride na mizo tudi nepolnovredno in hitro pripravljeno kosilo, ker sem raje ustvarjala z njima na vrtu. ... V vsem tem pa ne pozabljam nase, vsaj trudim se, haha. Šivam jima oblačila, ker jaz uživam v tem. Kvačkam, ker me to sprošča. Rišem z njima, ker mi je to všeč. Berem pravljice, ker mi je v veselje opazpvati njuna napeta obraza. V vsaki dejavosti je nekaj tudi zame in tako uživamo vsi.

Druga ljubezen pa je rahlo pretirana, morda celo nezdrava ljubezen do otroka, v kateri se otrok duši. In duši se tudi starš. Noben od njiju ne more biti to kar je. In res je, svojega otroka nimam tako rada. 

Torej, imate radi svoje otroke ali jih imate radi?

*

I was talking with my friends the other day, how much we love our kids. And one of them said to me that I love my kids, but on teh other hand I don't. Gasp! How could she!

But than I did a lot of thinking and figure it out she was talking about two kinds of love. 

First love is a natural, healthy love toward kids. A love that is big enough to let everybody be her/himself. I love my kids. Of course I do. I love them so much I pick them up from nursery early and spent a beautiful day with them in the park and later in the evening I work late to catch up. I love them so much I cook a quick dinner just to spent more time with them crafting in the garden. I love them so much I help them find a solution rather to solve the problem for them myself. I love them so much that i don't run to them when they fell, but approch them slowly and let them show me what they need - a long cuddle, a hug or a quick kiss. ... I let them be what they are. And I love myself and I also try to be myself, most of the time :o) I love to sew, so I sew them clothes. I find crochetting relaxing so I crochet while playing with them. I love to see their intense faces while I'm reading them a book. I like to draw and I think it's cute the way they try to imitate me.  I try to find something for everybody in everything we do.

The other love on the other hand is exaggerated love, suffocating love... love in which parents are trying way to hard to make life of their kids easy and playful and worryless, but they are doing the opposite ... no, I don't love my kids that way.

(Excuse my English, I'm trying my best.)