ČB torek / B&W Tuesday

Danes sem iz otroške sobe pospravila igrače in oblačila, ki sta jih gospodični prerasli in kar malo se mi je stožilo pri srcu. Resnično me je objela nekakšna žalost. Še malo in ne bo več klicev sredi noči, drobnih korakov navsezgodaj zjutraj in skrivanja pod odejo, ko je potrebno iti v vrtec. 

Saj sem vesela, da rasteta, da se učita, da se znata igrati sami, da se osamosvajata vsaka na svoj način, ampak... 

Tesno mi je, ko pomislim, da je dokončno konec nekega obdobja v mojem življenju, v življenju naše družine. Obdobja drobnih nožic, predirljivega joka, prvega nasmeha, prvih korakov, prvih... Edina vez s tem obdobjem so še pleničke, brez katerih ponoči pri gospodični N še ne gre. Vse drugo je že zapakirano v škatlah.  Čaka, da bom lahko spustila od sebe.

Mislim, da še nisem pripravljena.

*

I spent some time sorting toys and kids clothes today. I packed away all overgrown stuff. And you know what, I felt sad. Like something would squeeze my chest. They have grown some much. Soon there will be no more midnight calls for hugs, no more tiny steps early in the morning, no more hiding under the duvet when it's time to go to nursery.

I'm happy that they are growing, developing, having fun doing it, but...

I feel uneasy thinking that first period of my life as a mum, a first period of our family life is really and finally over. Over, finnished. No more colic-crying, no more tiny feet, no more firsts (smile, step, word...) The only thing that is still binding me with this era is a night diaper that Miss N still needs. Everything else is packed away. Waiting for me to let go.

I don't think I'm ready.